


To be a Monster

by lukadarkwater



Category: The Yogscast
Genre: F/M, I blame Helena for this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-05
Updated: 2015-12-05
Packaged: 2018-05-05 03:11:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5358941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lukadarkwater/pseuds/lukadarkwater
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The world was about to explode around him and all Lalna could do was listen to the roaring in his ears.</p><p>“He’s the failed clone”</p>
            </blockquote>





	To be a Monster

The world was about to explode around him and all Lalna could do was listen to the roaring in his ears.

“He’s the failed clone”

Before that moment, Lalna had had no idea that four simple words could ever have as much impact on him as those did in that moment. They knocked the air from his lungs, stole the movement from his muscles, and brought the roar into his ears that prevented him from hearing anything else. 

Dimly, he heard Lalnable and 5 taunting them and pulled himself together enough so he could throw out a half-hearted threat about their weapons. 5’s ringing laughter echoed in his ears as they waved it off and they stepped through the time gate together.

Nano was shouting next to him, trying to prevent them from leaving but Lalna was still stuck on that small phrase.

“Failed clone.”

Ever since coming into contact with the Magic Police, Lalna had always assumed himself that he was the original. He just felt so, well, so him. The idea that he had come from the DNA of someone else seemed laughable to him. Sure, his memories from before building his original castle were vague but that was because he had just been wandering from place to place. It hadn’t mattered to him that he couldn’t remember any sort of mother figure but he was probably an orphan anyway so he didn’t dwell on it. And yet, standing in the base while a counter ticked down to its inevitable destruction, everything became important.

He racked his brain, looking for some damning evidence that would disprove Lalnable’s statement and, in that moment, he couldn’t. As he was desperately searching, however, a terrible thought wormed its way into his mind.

He hardly thought about Blackrocks and the events that had taken place there because of him anymore but yet, as he stood there, it felt like someone had sucked punched him in the chest. 

At the time, he had rationalized it. They were dangerous and strange. Rythian’s magic was more powerful than his own and he knew that. Putting the nuke under their base had simply been a precaution that anyone would take. To him, it wasn’t malicious, just necessary.

But that wasn’t truly what scared him as he thought back on that time. No, what scared him was the fact that, after he had learned the nuke had gone off, he remembered feeling almost nothing. 

He had been so numb to anyone’s feelings, including his own, and the thought of Rythian’s rage had failed to stir any sort of strong response in him. It hadn’t seemed strange to him then because of course it didn’t. He had no strong attachments to anything really. No fond memories made with others to make him sympathetic to Rythian’s plight.

It wasn’t until after he met Nano, got to know her, made memories with, her that he came to feel remorse for what he had done. There were moments when he would look at her and feel an almost crippling sense of sadness for almost taking away the same kind of partner from Rythian. To Lalna, knowing that he had almost ripped from him the same kind of happiness brought him more shame than he would ever admit.

And yet, now a reason for his actions and lack of feelings had been shoved unceremoniously into his face.

“Failed clone”

He was made from the DNA of a monster. 

His tendencies from the old days made so much more sense in light of this discovery and Lalna’s stomach rolled from the realization. His skin crawled as if to try and reject any part of him that was made from Lalnable, but to no avail. He was a monster made from the monster himself.

“Lalna, what do we do now!”

Nano’s voice pulled him from his thoughts and he was slammed back into reality.

All around him, the blood moon washed the stones with blood red light while sirens blared in the distance and Nano yelled beside him.

“They’ve gone through the gate!” he heard himself say, not really realizing that he had spoken until he did, his thoughts were so jumbled in that moment that he was amazed to have said anything coherent.

Nano was going on about going back to their base beside him but he knew they were out of time. The sirens were getting louder and he knew what would happen if they stayed. 

“I can’t leave Billy!” Nano pleaded with him, and he turned to really look at her for the first time since Lalnable had told him the truth of his origins.

Nano’s face was light up by the pulsing light of the time gate behind him and that, coupled with the red hue of the blood moon, made the tears that glistened in her eyes all the more obvious. 

In that moment, Lalna knew that he couldn’t dwell on his thoughts any longer. No matter who or what he was, he had to get Nano out of harm's way before the entire place blew. Her safety, as always, took a higher priority than his own and so he shoved everything else out of his mind for the moment.

“We can come back!” he promised, taking a step towards the time gate.

Nano hesitated still, going on about different times and dinosaurs, and, all the while, Lalna’s anxiety grew. He had to get her out, had to save her, he couldn’t let her be harmed because of his - because of Lalnable.

“We’ve got to go, Nano!” He said, his feet just inches from the portal’s mouth. “We’ve got to go through!”

With that, he flung out his hand in a desperate attempt to make her grab it. Nano, whose eyes were filled with fear, yelled out his name as if in defeat before rushing towards him.

He grasped onto her smaller hand and pulled her into his chest as he took a step backwards, into the portal.

He pulled her tightly to him, one hand wrapping around her waist while the other hand did the same around her shoulders. She was so tiny compared to him that she fit snugly up against him and he felt her arms wrap around him in response. The portal pulled them through a tunnel of light so bright that he buried his hand in Nano’s hair to avoid being blinded by it and clung to her desperately out of fear that they would be torn from each other.

No matter what happened next, he would draw strength from her. He had to believe that nothing would change between them because of what Lalnable had said and that she would continue to stand by him so matter what, his mind simply rejected any other possibility. The thought of losing her was more painful than any revelation about his past.

She had brought light into his world and he wasn’t willing to give that up. Even if he was a monster, an abomination, a failed clone.

**Author's Note:**

> I needed to write a little something about Lalna reacting to the fact that he's a clone of Lalnable and so here is that writing.


End file.
